Confusion

When I have no inspiration left ...
..................................................when thoughts are complicated beyond my understanding...
...........................when I can't put together all the pieces inside swirling...
...................................................................................when I can`t clearly concentrate...
......................................when I can barely make sense out of my world...
.................................................................when I can't reach you where I always find you...
.............................................................when confusion is my sweetest silence and chaos is my loudest voice...
...................................................then is when I need you the most...
...and just then...
.......................... is when you appear

Inside

Words overflow my head
They fill my mouth and take over my hands
I choke on them, they make me breathe
They suffocate me, at times they make me feel
They make me numb, they steal my light, they make me real
They make me who I am
I hold them back, I let them pass me by
I even try to listen sometimes
But I don't...

Frustration (¨The Dead Girl¨)

Frustration
How does she move on?
When guilt out-runs desire of living
Does her will turn her into a horrible person?
Isn't what happened... to her, to her beloved one, horrible enuogh?
Sisters...
Why should she not get her life back?
After all... she's the one alive
Frustration again
and again
How hollowed and numb must she feel
Locked up in an imaginary cell built up by her mother
How cold in her own skin
To even for a second pretend, pretend she is her
just to feel...
anything,
something real
even that
To feel a woman, at least for one time
Frustration
Not knowing, not wanting to know
and still knowing
Her mother
Her child
Illusion
A birthday
I do agree that kids should get what they wish for
at least for birthdays
Frustrated illusions...
on a dead girl

Three Hundred And Sixty Five ME...

365 days
365 words
365 thoughts
midiocre, that's how we survive
successs and failure.... either of them will lead us to end our last breath
either by killing us or making us take our own lives
365 breaths
365 tears
365 thoughts
numb, that's how we live
ecxess of feeling or absolut ignorance... they both bring us to the edge
staying in the middle , that's where we are safe
but I...
I enjoy risk
I feed from crazy
I live and breathe through love
I am drawn to freedom
365 nerves
365 ways
365...
ordinary is where we stay alive
but I do not approve
then
I do not drink
I do not smoke
I do not lie
I do not complain
I do not think
I do not apologize
I do not eat excessively
I do not have an opinion
I do not fear
I do not blame someone else for my own flaws and mistakes
I do not feel nauseous when reading the news
I do not hurt
I do not feel
Therefore I do not get hurt
I do not breathe
I do not pee or poo
I do not eat way too much chocolate
I do not think too much of you
I do not yell or shout or scream or moan
I do not cross a red light
I do not doubt
I do not miss you or anyone
I do not puke
I do not have a reason
I do not question
I do not hesitate
I do not play hypocrite
I do not watch movies in a row
I do not talk behind someone else's back
I do not speak the truth
I do not speak about myself far beyond conversation
I do not take chances
I do not fast
I do not feast
I do not immoderately self indulge with anything
I do not read
I do not oversleep on days off
I do not arrive on time
I do not frustrate
I do not assist
I do not arrive late
I do not binge
I do not communicate
I do not hold my tounge at times
I do not love
and surely I do not love you
I do not bleed
I do not hate
I do not suffer
I do not believe
I do not listen
I do not compromise
I do not mean all this
I am not true
I am sick of all the lies
365 lies
365 that I do not keep to myself
365 cells that I will kill today

5.09

Surreal
Kitchen parties and hotel rooms
Stealing in and out
Making out
Drunk on red wine
Drunk on youth
Drawn to blue lights and to skin
Sunken in the sounds of it all
Sweet indulgement
Surreal
Vanilla scent from dead cigars

Dream

Somewhere...
where the buildings of London drown in cloud
and the swans come and visit
There...
I run through the woods
and clock towers grow higher than trees
There...
Imagination runs free
Did I say I could fly?

Watch Out

I wanna eat your plastic heart
I wanna eat your plastic heart
I wanna eat your plastic heart
and digest it and melt it down
with my firey mind, firey mind,
my firey mind
Watch out
I'm in the mood for it
I'm gonna get to it
I'm gonna squeeze it tight
I'm gonna burn it down
with my firey tounge, with a single spark,
a little spark, a blinding flash
I'm gonna rip it up
Watch out
I'm gonna burry it in
in me
I'm gonna eat your plastic heart
I'm gonna eat your plastic heart
I'm gonna eat your plastic heart
Watch out