This feeling...

I hate to hear you like that
I hate to read you like that
I hate phone lines and typing windows
I hate the fact I can`t actually see you,
but in pictures
or hold you,
like I used to
I hate the miles and kilometers
that set us apart
I hate this whimsical feeling of running
the urge to be there
when I'm actually here
The calm of the thought that you know, and I know
that I'm there, being actaully here

NUMB3RS

23 cigarrettes
...32...
54 cigarrettes
on the count down
to my way down
through the couch
to the smokey land
of nothingness
to the 9 to 5 working hours
of numbness
7 cigarrettes still lit up
smokey mountain of 13 pikes
19 pages still in white
5 hours, 7 minutes...
for the alarm clock to strike
2:36 and I'm ready
2:37 I'm steady
2:38 I can't wait
72 cigarrettes
on the count down
on my way down

COLD

Running towards the wall
Landing on frozen soil
Still there is hope for me
There is hope for all I need
Cold
Underneath your skin
Cold
When your down on your knees
Choke
When your story is told
Choke
For all you have done
Stand up to you pride
Tremple on it till it dies
Comfort
Crying in the dark
Comfort
Aching in the light
Cold
When there's noone home
Cold
When you've sold your soul
(to the screaming ghost)
Broken
When your heart is sore
Broken
When you are left alone
Cold
When your dreams ar rotten
Cold
Since your life was stolen
Stand up to your fears
Cut deep inside till they bleed
Hope
When hopless is all you know
Hope
When disappointment is engraved to your core
Grow
When you can't climb the wall
Grow
Till you see the world from above
Cope with your life
Cope with your lies
Cope with everything and leave it behind

CAKE

I want cake
Not chips
But cake...
I don't want what I'm given
I don't care where or if I'm driven
I want what I WANT
I want what I need, what I crave
and what I want is CAKE

I'm sick of all the 'what it could have been's,
I'm sick of the 'what if's and the oh so annoying 'BECAUSE',
I'm sick of excuses,
And I am sick of you,
coz NO, you don't have cake
And I do not want chips

This time...
I'm gonna get me CAKE
And I'm gonna share it all with myself
I'm gonna be selfish
I'm gonna care about ME
coz it's always about someone else's needs
But what about me?

I want cake...
And that's what I'm gonna get.

And so we SMILED

Greet the lions
and say goodbye to the WORLD you now know
Chase after the rain
and never return...
Relish the night
and never come back...

And so WE crumble

Where do you keep the trees you stole from the world?
Selfish desire of own admiration...
Where did you take the thoughts you stole from my imagination?
Oblivious craving of self indulgence...
What do you do with all the leaves when they curl and fall to the ground?
Do they ever fall to the ground?
Green expectations of higher comprehension...

I do think people who do believe in war shouldnt't be given the privilege nor the responsibility to be in command.

puertAs

Puertas que no me atrevo a abrir
Puertas que me rehúso a cerrar
Puertas que son solo puertas
Aun así, puertas que me hacen sentir
Que no me dejan hablar
Sino solo decir palabras muertas
Puertas que me hacen fingir
Puertas que me impiden saltar
Puertas que son solo puertas
Y aun así, puertas que me hacen sufrir

tEACH me

Teach me how to disappear
Coz I’ve forgotten how to
Teach me coz I really need to
I need to be far away from here
From the ME that’s been hanging around lately
Teach me how to get there
To YOU
When cell phones weren’t that handy
When they were even scary
When I didn’t need you as much as I do now
Teach me how to reach you
The things that you taught me
Teach me the things I’ve forgotten
The things that I’ve lost
Teach ME
Teach me how
HOW
How to disappear from here
From the click of keys as the words are being typed
From HERE
Teach me how to RUN
As fast and far as I could NEVER have run
Teach me how to be me again
When I was free
And my dependence to wires and batteries was not this BIG
When I could just disappear
Take me and only me

I don’t think you’ll ever see at all

Dry tears and a broken heart
That’s all you’ve left behind
And a little box in the corner
With some demons from the past
Thirty seconds on the count down
And you’re running out of time
Never really thought you could make it
Yet I never forlorn the hope
Shattered dreams and swollen mind
That’s all you’ve left behind
And a big box in the corner
With a killing wish of your own
Thirteen seconds on the count down
And I’m sure that’s not good for you
Like I never was good enough for you
So you had to throw it all
But I don’t think you’ll ever see at all

Changes

What if I were different?
What if I changed?
But I do change,
Every day
and every time...
I am different,
I am ME.

LOVE every time

Long morning kisses (the ecstasy)
Oversleeping on Sundays –and every time- next to you (the calm)
Voidance when you are not around (the bitterness)
Every moment I’m with you (my life)

broKen pieces

Tried to tell you but you just won’t listen
Tried to unleash you but you just won’t bother to run
Sure I must have done something wrong
But I just can’t get it undone
Tried to make you see but you just won't open yours eyes
Or your stupid silly mind
And you’ll never understand
The things I tried to tell you then
And you cannot take it back now
All the things that you have said
All the things that you have done
With no meaning of regret
With no sense of condescending thoughts or pride
So live your life and get it done
Take some chances and lose control
Feel the madness of it all
Take a breath and feel like one
With the rest of this damned world
With the people that you’ve lost along the ways you never dared to go
Let yourself fall to the ground
See the crash is not so bad
And the truth is not that hard to understand
When you see it through my eyes
And you’ve left the other side
You can actually enjoy the ride

TIRED

I'm not gonna fight...
I'm not gonna struggle,
Not even argue...
I give you my religion, an my politics too
If I ever had any or if I ever, even for an instant, could comprehend... if I ever knew somthing
I'm in the middle and a bit to the left if you turn your world upside down
To the left of my tree,
To the right of my wrongs,
Opposite myself,
Aligned, yet distorted
Alive, yet disoriented
I'm done being me,
I'm done being what you want me to be
You can conquer , you've defeated
I gave in, but you, you did not win...
What you see on my surface, is what you'll find underneath
I've stopped sensing, I've ceased breathing ... I no loger care
I died, I let you kill me...
And died again
But I'm standing, motionless, fearless, numb, absurd, derailed...
I'm lost... and no longer care
I've left all my books
I've leaked every word
I've bled all my thoughts
And you took over my world
I'm not gonna fight...
I'm not gonna struggle,
Not even argue...
I don't even care.

Ouch!

Eternal battles... Unproductive scars
Just another round...
You and me and my skin shield
Me and you and your eruptions of electrified things
Burns I no longer need to bear
Wars I am no longer willing to fight
Victories are all yours and yours alone
For your nuclear force is stronger than my mold
Not so different from yours if you look down to the core
But we both want to explode and your massive purpose is greater than my own
Unprotected...
I'll admire you always
You'll destroy me everytime
And I'll walk with burning feet and I'll listen to your winds
Atmospheric phenomena...
Eternal battles... Unproductive friends
Eternal battles burning my skin...

silencio

Qué difícil imitar el silencio... qué difícil entenderlo... qué placer escucharlo cuando las palabras carecen de significado o de intelecto... qué oportuno cuando ya no queda nada que decir (al menos de momento)... qué incómodo entre dos desconocidos que tienen tanto que decir, y perdidos entre los archivos del cerebro en proceso de selección, dejan paso a la calma del silencio... y pensé que no tenía nada que decir...

Goodbye...

Is that LOVE?
Or is it you being used to me being around?
IS that uncertainty?
Or just you getting bored of what we once meant?
Is it you? Of course it is you... coz for sure is not me.
I've made up my mind now
And I'm not coming back
Of that I am certain
Coz I stopped waiting just not long ago
I still care
It sure hurts, still
I do bleed
But in a while I won't be bleeding for you anymore
I will love someone else
Eventually, I'll get hurt by someone else
And I will hurt someone too
But all the time and above all
I'll be glad I had you

Dissapearances

Sisters and brothers taken away
People do disappear
Diseases spread faster than we can assimilate
Memories remain
Loss fades away with time
But the need remains
Loss becomes bearable
Pain becomes bearable
But the need, the need endures life
We are not given the choice
We are given
We love
We suffer
We presumably hate
We are taken away
We suffocate
We are expected to survive
Without them
And we do
But we do not forget

Unfinished

I could write a thousand words
A million thoughts could cross my mind
Of you
Of me
But none of that could ever express
what I feel for you

The Queen of Lies

He can't go on dragging that load
The black hole you sewed
A private collection of the hearts that you stole
He's body is sore
His heart's turned to dust
He's restless and sad
Weeping for a soul he no longer owns
Go on, now, finish your job
You sure have done enough
You've done it before and you'll do it once more
Withdraw the line while there's still life inside
The world is a whore and you're all alone
But that's no excuse for all that he's lost
For all that you've done
You're hiding your crown
Coz you're the queen of lies
And he's the slave for your kind
Bring him back
You won't feel the lack of that what you stole
It's just a black hole
He's dried up and gone
You did it too fast
You did it too slow
He's willing to die
He's got everything to lose
For all that you love and cannot control you will destroy
But there's still hope
While there's still life inside
You've done it too slow
You've done it too fast
You ain't walking nowhere
You're stuck in this hole you gladly call home
He can't go on crawling for you

so attached to your imprint

Like repeating a word long enough so as to deprive it form meaning
As to deliver confusion
If I could just do that with your person
Since you have become nothing more than a concept
Why can't I just erase you forever?

Betrayal

I must admit it did hurt
But not as much as I thought it would
I'll give you that
I gave you more
It's good to know you're ok
Better the loss of uncertainty
Than the pain of the loss through it all
No, you, you didn't hurt that much after all

ruStling leaveS

Drifting like ice on an ocean that lacks inspiration
My thoughts melt down into infinite blackness
Marmalade drops
1, 2, 3 and again
Sinking
Fulfilling their path
as they answer their call to the ground
Thoughts I thought I'd never recall
Of the needless need of saying nothing
Of the bloodless words spat out of my fingers
Of the senseless voices consuming my talking
Silence quenching
1, 2, 3 and again

Spotless

I needed to see,
I needed to remember...
We are all fucked up versions of what we want to be,
What we wanted to be.
Happiness is over-rated,
It is a concept.
Happiness meaning absolute absence of sadness, does not exist,
It’s a balance of both and it depends on where the needle is pointing at,
At that exact moment, with huge amounts of pain in between...
That's what makes us real,
What defines us as living beings,
As beautifully imperfect humans...

'How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!The world forgetting, by the world forgot.Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd'

(Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope)

Stupidly Indisputable

Debería, pero no puedo...o no quiero - Cualquier opción sería políticamente incorrecta - Si ni siquiera me gusta la política - Debería decir humanamente predecible - Hipotéticamente razonable incluso - Hoy no quiero colores - Me quedo en blanco y negro - Sé que me pierdo - Sé que quiero perderme - Sé mejor de lo que mi conciencia cree, las consecuencias de mi estupidez - Hoy no quiero ver las cosas desde abajo - Prefiero estar ciego frente a la mirada de los DEBERÍA - Inútiles y vacíos, al menos hoy - De los libros hoy no quiero, ni pretendo escuchar nada - Me quedo con los estantes vacíos - Forzadamente intolerable - Deliberadamente resistible - no debería, pero corro en dirección opuesta - Pisaría el tiempo - Rompería la escala métrica o cualquier otra escala de medición - Tranquilamente espero la tormenta - No me importa cualquier otra catástrofe apocalíptica - Desinteresadamente obsoleto - Intuitivamente perdido entre los hechos -Debería, pero no quiero.

Solace

Sinking in oceans of perceptions

Waves of memories that come and go

In the most impatient tides

Roaring at the fallen leaves as they blend in the solace of my mind

Fearful to be forgotten

Grateful to be taken in

Humanly

I dreamt I was a God
I dreamt I had the power to create
I dreamt I had the power to destroy
I understood
I dreamt I was human

Sleephood

Dreaming of the thickest skies among waves
Past the lighthouse drowning thoughts
Escaping ideas in the shape of birds
Forming flocks, flying away with the wind
Disappearing
Forever

Diamonds

You're breaking diamonds again
You're breaking hearts for your dismay
And beauty lies in it
And your lips let on the light
Glaring down on our envious eyes
Let the horses run free
Ride with them through the night
Ride on
Ride on
Through your wildest dreams

Virginia

The river calls your name
And you listen
But they do not understand
So you try and hold yourself back
For a while
To make them happy
Well, not to increase the pain
At the expense of your own sanity
Of your own happyness
The river calls you
And you listen
And you write about your imaginary lives
About how it would be if you were to be set free
Imprisoned by your humanity long stolen from you
By doctors
By those you hold dearly
By those who do not understand
Selfishness is blinding
A puppet for their private show you become
In a theatre that becomes your prison
Your own house, not London
A doll deprived of self voice
But they can`t take away your thoughts
They are yours and your only
No matter how dark and twisted
No matter how hopeful and moral
The river calls for you
And you invite its waters in

Damaged

Damaged,
We are so damaged
Wounds that have remained open for a long time
Wounds that may never heal
Time,
They say time heals everything
They lie
Time helps to forget
Even helps to forgive
But time doesn`t heal nonphysical wounds
With time you learn to bear the pain
You learn to live damaged yet functional
Untill the wounds blend in your natural being
Untill the pain becomes cronic and you stop paying attention to it
Except for those days when you feel particularly vulnerable
Moments of acute memories
Moments of acute pain again
What it`s true, is that those acute instants come more separated in time
But they never truly disappear
A physical wound can heal in hours or days
A wound of the soul can take that long, if we are lucky or even strong enough, to begin to repair And never heal completely
It's easy to break a bone
Easier to break someone's spirit
We can rely on time, friends, loved ones, pills and yet a bone will be healed long before, with Just a simple cast, than a heart that's been blackened and frozen
Damaged,
We are a patch of unhealed wounds

Desde Abajo

Las cosas desde abajo se ven diferentes - has visto alguna vez un árbol desde abajo? - no desde la sombra que deja caer cuando el sol le sonríe - sino desde el otro extremo por donde crece - las raíces - se que suena extraño - pero a veces se me cruzan ese tipo de preguntas tontas que incentivan el soñar despierto - por lo menos a mi - y el mundo se da vuelta - me da curiosidad diseccionar el mundo - como un estudio anatómico de cortes en los planos encerrados entre cristales - las cosas se ven diferentes a través de un cristal - a través del cristal uno se centra en la imagen y no en la distorsión de los sonidos - el silencio me agrada - pero solo a veces - cuando lo necesito - soy de esos que de ser posible escuchan música todo el tiempo - excepto cuando leo - aunque eso también es relativo - excusas para crear mi propia realidad - mi burbuja - no que no sea sociable - me encanta relacionarme - pero tiendo a volar con excesiva facilidad - puedo leerme en la definición de distraído - pero me identifico más con otras definiciones - pero tampoco me defino - a veces me miro a mi mismo desde abajo - desde abajo del cristal la perspectiva es diferente - me agrada la textura y la forma que toman las cosas cuando se apoyan sobre el cristal - podría decirse que soy amigo de la gravedad - o que me río con ella - tal vez es por eso que a veces me deja volar - me gustan las leyes - porque se que no me definen - me agradan porque acotan realidades y explican cosas que no entiendo - pero más que nada porque son flexibles - al menos a los ojos de un niño -al menos en mi mundo - donde si quiero - puedo ver un árbol desde abajo...

Black Wolf

Beware of the wolf you are teasing...
For when the chains that are holding him back burst into pieces,
Unleashing the beast you've been feeding with hatred for years,
No spirit nor flesh could outrun its fury, impelled by its own aversion...

MONSTER

I faced you
I stood up before you
I was scared of you in my every single cell
I faced you
you've blackened my bones
I was paralyzed by what you meant to me
What you did to me
What I did to myself
12.000 life times wrapped in just a few seconds
I faced you
I walked towards you
Climbed up your walls and crept up your fences
I walked into your mouth, crawled down to your guts
Only to find where you kept most of my senses
All of these years
I screamed, I cried, I tried to destroy you
The concept of you
But I could not
I made you up, I sent you away
And I came back to you
I stared back at you when you glanced at me
and just for one moment, with your blackest eyes,
I thought I'd defeated you
So what does it mean?
To be your enemy
To be the blood that pumps through your lifeless heart
To be you
I burnt when I saw you
Still, I faced you

Surprises

Surprises, life is full of surprises
So yes, I disappeared
I had to escape... my routine, my lately familiar faces, my own...
Needed to redefine my roots
Needed to tocuh some faces I had not touched in some time
Longer than I ever thought possible, even bearable
So for a second I disappeard utterly and completely... no numbers, no signal, no directions or connections
Just me in the air, above water, underneath the beautifulest sky I'd ever imagine
Ready to move forward, ready to leave all behind
Then I touched ground
And I heard the calling of my land
And I felt its roots unravel wildly in my stomach
As I heard the wind blowing
I could have run as fast as a thought, but I didn`t
I gave in to the comfort of it all
Coming like waves
So I was ready...
And those I went out looking for and were out there waiting to be found once again without knowing ... I LOVE, AND MISS AND ADORE
Surprises, you are full of surprises...

Disappear (Again)

It's been a few days now
I am close... or closer
But I still feel far away
Sure you won't understand
But it feels like running full speed
Towards a giant wall
You know where you wanna go
You know what you wanna reach
You know where it ends
And where it begins
You even know its full dimensions
But you can't control it
You know you won't stop
At least I won't
Some things may seem impossible
They are not
I know believing is achieving
But it goes beyond that
By not believing we do not make it impossible
We just hold it back for a while
It's amazing the doors that can be opened inside your mind just by reaching the tip of your toes with the tip of your fingers just right there before your nose
It's amazing how naive we can become
It's amazing how we can just disappear
And disappear again just by holding back that, which we cannot stop
That, which we cannot control
That, which we are so afraid of
So yes, I'm gonna hit that wall
Flat face against it
Eyes wide open
And then.... I'll disappear ...Again

Nothing special

Have you ever killed a spider just because you could?
Or hurt sombody knowing and willing to do harm?
Is that what defines human kind?
Do we have to destroy everything that stands a finit distance from us?
I mean, do we really have to?
Sometimes I wish I'd disappeared
Sometimes I wish the world around me did

Disbelieve

Would you believe me if I told you I have no heart left?
That the beat you can hear through my chest
is just ice cracking in rythm?
Would you believe me if I told you my tears have run dry?
That the moisture on my face
is just rain condensed on my skin?
Would you believe me if I told you all that?
I truly hope that you don't coz if you do it'll mean that is true...

Burning dreams

Sometimes I think life's a bitch
When she plays cruel games with me
well...
Only when I'm drawn to lose
I feel like that these days
Like a giant mass of uncertainty
a little pawn on the table
These days I've lost my dreams
Maybe in a dirty old drawer
Maybe in the woods
Can't quiet tell
But surely I don't carry them with me
at least not tonight, not in my pocket
not even in my head
Nothing more I can do but sleep and sleep only
No flying feet
No talking trees
No horse-back riding through the hills of mars
No butterflies these days
Just measured time in physical space
So no, I won’t be burning dreams tonight
But wait for me, do not turn to dust
I'll only play along this stupid game called life for a little while

...FOOLS

1... 2... 3... or should I count backwards?
anyhow... I'm closer to you
and you don't know yet
...surprises
We're full of surprises
But you can't see me coming...
3... 2... 1...
there's you...
...there's me
can't see?
1... 2... 3...
turn around...
... it's me!

Friends with the Devil

Go, go, go now and make friends with the Devil
He speaks wiser words
He hums sweeter tunes
Than I could ever...
Just let me drown here on my own
Let me sink in this lake
With the roses
Across the city streets I loath
Among the trees I will always talk to
And you will always hear
But you won't listen
and even if you did you would not undersatnd
So go, go, go back to his garden of lies
We both know you'll believe him
So show me the ways to make you go
And just leave me here in the rain
So I can play with the trains while I sink in time
And my voices
Now go, go, go I've made friends with a gohst
and the wind is my ally
and it's dragging you in

In return

All your rage and fury
All your anger and hatred
Put those in my hands
and let's see what I turn them into
All your tears and dismay
All your fears and dread
Put them in my mouth
and let's watch what they do
All your words and glory
All your glances and disapproval
Put them in my voice
and let's wait for them to show
Now go ahead and run!
Now go ahead and hide!
For what you had you gave away
and I'm willing to give it back in a way.

Feast on youR sEnsEs

Open up the doors and the windows

Let the cold of winter embrace you

Squeeze the oranges with your bare hands

Let the sweet juice run down your forearms

Taste the honey with the tip of your fingers

Let the sweetness invade you

Lay your head on the grass

And wait for the rain to refresh you

Feel alive

For the first time

Feel alive

From now on

Maybe I Didn't

Maybe I did not like to hear
So I read instead
And I wrote
I wrote letters to you
To anyone and to noone
I worte letters to me
Letters to remind me of things
Things I thought I knew
But maybe I did not
Maybe I did not like to see
So I listened instead
And I spoke
I read outloud the letters to you
To me
Maybe I did not like to be
So I stopped instead
And I breathed
Maybe I did not like to know
So I run
Away
Away from you
From those things so I could forget
And then I walked my way back
Maybe I did not like to live
So I died...
...Maybe I didn't

Confusion

When I have no inspiration left ...
..................................................when thoughts are complicated beyond my understanding...
...........................when I can't put together all the pieces inside swirling...
...................................................................................when I can`t clearly concentrate...
......................................when I can barely make sense out of my world...
.................................................................when I can't reach you where I always find you...
.............................................................when confusion is my sweetest silence and chaos is my loudest voice...
...................................................then is when I need you the most...
...and just then...
.......................... is when you appear

Inside

Words overflow my head
They fill my mouth and take over my hands
I choke on them, they make me breathe
They suffocate me, at times they make me feel
They make me numb, they steal my light, they make me real
They make me who I am
I hold them back, I let them pass me by
I even try to listen sometimes
But I don't...

Frustration (¨The Dead Girl¨)

Frustration
How does she move on?
When guilt out-runs desire of living
Does her will turn her into a horrible person?
Isn't what happened... to her, to her beloved one, horrible enuogh?
Sisters...
Why should she not get her life back?
After all... she's the one alive
Frustration again
and again
How hollowed and numb must she feel
Locked up in an imaginary cell built up by her mother
How cold in her own skin
To even for a second pretend, pretend she is her
just to feel...
anything,
something real
even that
To feel a woman, at least for one time
Frustration
Not knowing, not wanting to know
and still knowing
Her mother
Her child
Illusion
A birthday
I do agree that kids should get what they wish for
at least for birthdays
Frustrated illusions...
on a dead girl