Mary

I used to belong to somebody else’s book,
To somebody else’s stories
I’m reading my book now
I’ve finally found it
Buried, but almost as if scratching underneath the surface
To be felt, heard, found and read
Of course its pages were blank at first
And they’d remain that way for some time
The time it took for me to understand;
A few pages began to appear then
Word by word they crawled and piled until the end of a chapter
And then another, emerging and flowing like magma
Sprouting blackest ink that stains the paper
And then it ceased, for the next chapter I am not ready to see
Not even ripe or nurtured enough by experience
Things the world still hides from me, will soonly bestow
And one day soon the pages will start and turn again
In the meantime… HAPPILY INCOMPLETE

Only to get back up again

The greater the fall, the greater the ascension
This is me, ascending
This is me, climbing up to the top of the world
To the top of my world
This is not a warning
Not a threat
This is me communicating
I’ll see you at the finish line
From above and beyond
The deeper I fall
The softer I land

Books

I can feel them invade
With every pulsation
The gushing inside
As if of laughter
Engraving, reshaping my dwell
Blending the colors
As my black widow weaves memories
So fragile some times
Ready to poison
Any intruder she’ll eat
Quenching my appetite
My thirst, my craving for more
And the pain
I’ll miscarry my dreams
Over and over again
Until one day I will give birth to my life
And I’ll be awake
Conscious, alert

Answers

What do I so scaredly run from, where do I so eagerly run to
If I am always stuck in the middle
In between the ‘what could’ve been’s and the ‘what will never be’s
Am I this unchangeable, this absurdly immobile
Almost 3 decades of searching to find out there’s no such thing as an answer

Making Choices Yet Again

Life, life is full of uncertainties
No matter how hard we avert our eyes
From the possibilities presented
They hide in the dark and observe from the side
Stalking, breathing, silently feeding
Time, time and its tic tac is always one foot ahead of you
Constantly reminding you that you can’t outrun its pace
Like you didn’t know that already
Time to decide again
Time to reschedule the next change of season
A fixed period of time, short enough so as not to allow too much risk
Yet sufficient to rebalance the scale
How peaceful the untroubled waters
How silent the day without wind
The world seems to stop for a moment
When my thoughts get this loud and they’re all I can hear

Sea Monsters

I always thought I would spend a long time with you
Maybe I was wrong and maybe they were right and
Maybe I should go away and I’ll be good tomorrow
Sure I’ll be ok, walking by the sea I see these monsters
Swimming by the shore, crawling at my feet but I
Sure be good tomorrow
I always knew we would spend a long time apart
Maybe I was right and maybe we were wrong and
Maybe I should stay awhile and we’ll be great tomorrow
But then you’d have to leave, I’d walk by the sea
And see these little monsters, crawling up my feet
Tearing up my skin to get inside of me but I
Will be ok tomorrow
Broken bones and crushed shells on the sand
Footprints on ice-cold waves that’s all I leave behind
I always said I would spend along time down there
Swimming in the dark, I see these monsters play around
Staring at the sun that filters through the water
Maybe I was right when I said I was ok today or
Maybe I was wrong and should have stayed at home in bed
But I’m ok and I’ll be fine tomorrow

There

I can feel her pregnancy
It’s growing inside
I can feel her moving inside
She’s about to give birth
And yet she’s not ready
I can carry her weight
And she knows what’s coming
Her tears, and she knows that I’m here
Their heartbeats running
Racing, competing
I know how she floats, and she can smell
She’s not ready yet
She won’t breathe but she can swim
I can feel the waters
So she sits and she waits
Knowing exactly what will happen
No time for meds now
Too late for that
She always knew
And she wonders
But she fears for that moment
And her water breaks
And my water breaks
Emerging oceans of troubled waters
That swallow the room
She drowns to encounter her daughter
She swims to the arms of her mother
She cries
She dies
I can carry her weight
I will carry her body
She will burry her daughter
I can feel her loss as her voice disappears
And she begins to hear mine
As her warmth slips away from her skin and into deep water

Unwilling

She lies on the kitchen floor
Counting thoughts as her dreams melt away
Blending into the black and white pattern
Drawing the path on the way down to the drain
And she does not care what people may say
If she were to stay there for a lifetime or two
She regrets the pain she exposes
As written with ink on her skin
Scars from the past that reveal what still hurts
As marks of the wars she did not care to fight

‘That’s my heart you have taken, those my arms,
And my feet, and the back of my head,
This my voice you have silently broken, and part of my soul,
These my speaking and walking that you’ve kindly wrecked’

Hundreds of feet or she reckons
Comb every inch of her quietness
And the disturbing humming on her ear
That distracts her from her self-compelled sleep
Little carriers of dust and waste
Simple things we miss everyday

She will not stand up on her feet for a while
She will not defy anyone for some time
As she turns into liquid and dives in through the pipes
She will not take the hand that’s beside her
She’ll refuse anyone’s help
And she will not ask for mercy
Or listen, or even care what you have to say
As she grows roots to the ground and turns into a tree

She’s decided her fate tasting the honey that runs through her lips
Admiring the colors displayed
by some wine and some milk spilled over dead flowers
And the smell of sweet coffee and cake
Set on a table that waits for the guests

Gone

I'll be flying up tonight
Along with the clouds
A little bit closer to the lights in the sky
A litlle bit further away from the stars in the towns
Sharing coded flashes from ground
The secret toungue of the fireflies at dusk
Kiss the world goodbye for tonight
And we'll talk tomorrow when the miles won't set us apart

Ghost of the night...

He could hear the sirens breaking the silence of the night
And the random voices dancing on the street
The sounds of the city at darkest hours
Obediently staring at the stranger laying beside him
The intimate stranger, but a stranger after all
When would he stop unraveling strangers?
When would he stop living by the lights of the night?
He could not stop thinking of the footsteps and the rain outside
Then he knew it was time to leave
Silently, like a thousand times before
Almost like a job
Almost compulsive
Almost obsessive

Breakable Time

´Are you ready to leave?´ she said,
and then run hiding in the bushes
Couldn't catch her with my camera
Didn't even have the time to ask her...
...Ask her what?
Just the same with the army the day before,
though they never said a word
We would just race for a while,
until they disappeared right behind me
And that night, when the clock wanted to play
but the rain caught my attention and I forgot about him
Funny
But I'm ready to leave...

Not an ordinary day

Funny how a few lines can change your day completely
Your so far perfectly ordinary day
How funny how those lines can hurt
All that anger, all that impotence inside
Nothing but to walk away is how you deal
Some times walking away is the only option
Those lines for better or worse, forcing you to take part
Part in a play you were afraid to embrace
Though you were willingly ready
Funny how a few lines can turn your day completely around once again
Your now not at all ordinary and blackened day
To surprise you and reward you
With an absolutely unexpected gift
Funny how the cars racing engrave in your memory
and the emails end up forgotten in a virtual trash can
That soon you will no longer see
Today... was everything but ordinary

LAVA

Some things cannot be changed
Some things simply remain the same
So attached to the things we can't hold
So attached to the things we will lose
Don't blame the rest of the world
for the things you're responsible
Don't get angry with the world
for the things you have caused
Accept it
And let the world bleed on its own
Regrets from the past to create new desire
Hope from the underworld
Emerging magma like thoughts lost in time
Coming back to memories burried in a garden of lies
Rings of fire call out your name
Claming back what it's theirs
Things you've never returned
Pages from books you have torn
Things you once tried to change
But you've learnt
Some things are just meant to stay the same

The pledge

I could swing and sway forever
But one day it has to stop
Turn me by the axis
and one day you'll prove me wrong
Still I will be running
So meet me where you find me
And catch me while I'm standing
But I won't stay for much longer
oh, I've been gone
For so long
That I can't even remember
to the pledge I have surrendered

the end

day one
day two
the end
and back to start from scratch
but everything is gonna be alright
everything is gonna be back on track
from the worst case scenario
to the perfect prime time day for happiness
no one's ever gonna win this race
no one's ever gonna cross the finish line
you could keep running
but it just won’t get any better
one
two
three
days again
and again the end

It just wouldn't be right

I couldn't sleep because
I was afraid I would fall asleep
I couldn't sleep because
I was afraid when I wake up
I'd thought It was just a bad dream
and then I had to realize
it wasn't, and face it again
I couldn't sleep because
I was afraid of tomorrow
and staying awake would mean today
I couldn't sleep because
I was waiting, waiting
for it to go away
I couldn't sleep because
I felt broken
I couldn't sleep because
I did not understand
I couldn't sleep because
I was afraid
I couldn't sleep because
it made me sad
I couldn't sleep because
I didn't know how to deal
and I was afraid I couldn't deal at all
So I didn't sleep
I am exhausted

Simple

I would
I would if I could
But I can't
So I don't

Decay

devoured the crimson of life
all that remains is the shadows
of things that you stole and never belonged
to the core of your souls
mirrored in the eyes of the people
the ones who despise you
and observe with detail while you rotten
and die with dispair

CHANGE

You can laugh if you want
You can laugh at me
You can laugh at my indecision
Choices
Whether to remain exactly the same
Whether to change exactly the opposite
I've chosen already to change
But in the meantime
In the process of assimilation
What do I do?
Should I leave it all behind
Will they haunt me back?
Should I keep some things to myself
Will they sneak up from time to time?
Choices meaning uncertainty
Meaning fear of what is yet about to come
You can laugh if you want
And I will laugh back

Strange DAY

I have this feeling
like something is about to change
like something is coming through
and I can't tell exactly, not nearly what it is thats on its way
to hit me
to strike me right on my chest
Things are about to change
things are about to turn in a different direction
a direction that's heading somewhere else but here
I have this feeling that
I'll be back on track
I can feel it in the air
the smell of silence
the calm of that which surrounds me now
and no longer will be
I know something is about to happen
I know something is about to be just different
I know something is waiting to be
I know something is coming for me
and it's going to get me
And I know i have no intention of resisting
I know I've been waiting for this
This feeling inside me
This feeling arround me
This feeling
Beyond me