Not even goodbye...

So yes, the words I use are `I love you`
Did I say it?
Well,
No, of course not
Another loss,
Another excuse to grieve,
Another item to add to my special list of regrets
So this is it
`I love you` doesn't necessarily mean
or even imply love
It is the concept
The idea you can find someone special,
The slightes possibility it could be the one,
That is what really matters and motivates you
The options and oportunities,
The making up plans
More than actually finding any of the above
It is the simple things,
The small thing we tend to overlook and miss
over the overwhleming sound of words,
that we saddly forget to enjoy
So yes, I'll keep using those words
Maybe in my head, maybe out loud now
But remember... I don't mean love

Voices

Why would you say what you say?
If you don't even mean it
Why would you lure me with words?
Why would you play me like this?
If you don't really want me
I know you're confused
I know of your troubles
Would my words change your mind?
Clearly they wouldn't
But I'm surely hopeful
That they'll open your eyes
And you'll see what you're doing
What your wasting and missing
Until you fully understand
That you're truly mistaken
Running away towards nothing
Chasing down feelings
That should already be burried
Before it's too late
And you're dreadfully sorry
I speak with the voice from my past
That stands right beside me
Experience has tought me
Mistakes are forever
Time never waits
It has its own pace
We run out of time
We're always too late
So why would you say what you said?
If you didn't mean it
If you wouldn't stay

My own private collection

Friends
I collect them
Each one unique
Amazing miniatures of perfectly combined qualities
Like tiny bottles containing a scent
Sweet and bitter at times
So full of memories
Like millions of raindrops all gathered together
Each one alone holding a different world
Some I will carry with me in my pocket
Some I will keep on my shelf
Others apparently lost in a drawer
But none I will ever forget
And always there's room for another
The new ones I'll gladly collect
They give without taking
They receive with a smile
Through good times and hard times
They're always the whisper, the tear and the laughter
They make me, complete me and change me
In ways I could not even tell
Virtues and flaws sincerely presented
I take them
I keep them
And dearly I hold them
They know the secrets, the fears, the dark parts and lies
And keep them away so that they can't harm
Unconditional, loving and caring
Protective and beautiful
They're all photographs in this book I call life
So if you happen to read this
Know that I love you
And believe when I write that you make me better

Hearts

this feeling constantly changing
yet perfectly still
we're good at pretending
we're best at coming undone
we think
we say
we hope
and we never let go
this rapture almost euphoric
yet violently empty
we're blessed at the start
we're damned at the end
we fall
we crash
we cry
and we ask for more
this thoughts obviously perfect
yet clearly mistaken
we're told to be grand
we're doomed to survive
we starve
we eat
we scream
and we even deny
this pain almost immobile
yet silently growing
we're great at defending
we're genius at hurting
we live
we love
we die
and in the middle we lie

Buses

I can't stand people on buses
The way they behave and invade spaces
The faces, the smells
The looks on their faces whenever you reach out to open a window
or for an empty seat
I can feel their worries, their everyday problems they carry as a backpack on their way home
Tolerance
I wish I knew what it means
What it really means
Is it thinking and not saying?
Hating and disapproving in silence?
I'm quite sure that's not it
I sometimes wish they'd all jut disappeared,
gone forever
I certainly wouldn't miss them
Their missery, their sadness
They keep me out of focus
Disctracting me from the viewing
Buildings and people on foot
Somehow they seem momentarily intruiguing
Somewhat interesting
Two different worlds separated by a thin piece of glass
I like how the rain distorts and reflects whatever stands on the other side
Specially traffic lights
So I take a different bus everyday
Or I simply walk
Same streets, same stops become almost unbearable
Overwhelming at times
To the point I could just scream
Or cry
Would I feel any different if the bus was empty?
If it was just me and the world outside?
Could I feel any safer?
Any more comfortable?
What is it that I find so repulsive?
Is it closeness?

Songs

Seven songs on a table
Looking at strangers walk by out the window
Searching for a face
A familiar look
Amongst cabs and cars running by
Two missed calls
Seven text messages
Hard isn't easy if easy isn't hard
You've killed me twice
But I'm still alive
And the heart that you stole
I don't want it back
No cards on the table
And the glasses are empty
A bunch of left overs
And the voices of friends on the background
You say you're a jerk for letting me go
I say I'm a fool for pushing so hard
But I like the word
So I'll give it a try
Friends are forever
Lovers are not

Tonight

Just forget about the world
What we have is tonight
So let's enjoy it
That's all we'll have by morning
We'll go back to our lives
To our troubled minds
We'll simply wake up to another day
And walk separate ways
But we'll still have this
We'll still have tonight
Just you and me
And nothing in between

Hey Rockstar

I've missed many trains many times before,
for many different reasons
It was always my choice, and many times
I've looked back to realize it was too late
But I'm not giving up this time,
not any time soon
I am not giving up on you
just as easy as before
I'm boarding this train now,
whatever consequences it may bring along
And I hope you'll be on it too
I barely know you, but with you
breathing it's easier
And I know it is you who make me feel better
So let go of the fear of losing what you've already lost,
take my hand and you will be found
I've nothing to offer you but me,
can't compete with gohsts from the past that live in the now
And it's not what I want
Cards are now on the table
I want you
And you can have me