It just wouldn't be right

I couldn't sleep because
I was afraid I would fall asleep
I couldn't sleep because
I was afraid when I wake up
I'd thought It was just a bad dream
and then I had to realize
it wasn't, and face it again
I couldn't sleep because
I was afraid of tomorrow
and staying awake would mean today
I couldn't sleep because
I was waiting, waiting
for it to go away
I couldn't sleep because
I felt broken
I couldn't sleep because
I did not understand
I couldn't sleep because
I was afraid
I couldn't sleep because
it made me sad
I couldn't sleep because
I didn't know how to deal
and I was afraid I couldn't deal at all
So I didn't sleep
I am exhausted

Simple

I would
I would if I could
But I can't
So I don't

Decay

devoured the crimson of life
all that remains is the shadows
of things that you stole and never belonged
to the core of your souls
mirrored in the eyes of the people
the ones who despise you
and observe with detail while you rotten
and die with dispair

CHANGE

You can laugh if you want
You can laugh at me
You can laugh at my indecision
Choices
Whether to remain exactly the same
Whether to change exactly the opposite
I've chosen already to change
But in the meantime
In the process of assimilation
What do I do?
Should I leave it all behind
Will they haunt me back?
Should I keep some things to myself
Will they sneak up from time to time?
Choices meaning uncertainty
Meaning fear of what is yet about to come
You can laugh if you want
And I will laugh back

Strange DAY

I have this feeling
like something is about to change
like something is coming through
and I can't tell exactly, not nearly what it is thats on its way
to hit me
to strike me right on my chest
Things are about to change
things are about to turn in a different direction
a direction that's heading somewhere else but here
I have this feeling that
I'll be back on track
I can feel it in the air
the smell of silence
the calm of that which surrounds me now
and no longer will be
I know something is about to happen
I know something is about to be just different
I know something is waiting to be
I know something is coming for me
and it's going to get me
And I know i have no intention of resisting
I know I've been waiting for this
This feeling inside me
This feeling arround me
This feeling
Beyond me

This feeling...

I hate to hear you like that
I hate to read you like that
I hate phone lines and typing windows
I hate the fact I can`t actually see you,
but in pictures
or hold you,
like I used to
I hate the miles and kilometers
that set us apart
I hate this whimsical feeling of running
the urge to be there
when I'm actually here
The calm of the thought that you know, and I know
that I'm there, being actaully here

NUMB3RS

23 cigarrettes
...32...
54 cigarrettes
on the count down
to my way down
through the couch
to the smokey land
of nothingness
to the 9 to 5 working hours
of numbness
7 cigarrettes still lit up
smokey mountain of 13 pikes
19 pages still in white
5 hours, 7 minutes...
for the alarm clock to strike
2:36 and I'm ready
2:37 I'm steady
2:38 I can't wait
72 cigarrettes
on the count down
on my way down